He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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