how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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