It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
