If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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