My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
