My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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