I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
