Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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