Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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