omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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