found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
