So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
