quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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