just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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