So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
