why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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