it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
be right there i have to get my cape
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
