Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
