Ketchup is God's man juice
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
