His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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