My hair reeks of homosexuality.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
