I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
