I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
