You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
