I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
