Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
