So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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