he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
