Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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