Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm both gender and math confused
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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