I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
