then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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