proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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