Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
