I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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