I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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