This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
