dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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