May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and she was petting her beer can
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
