So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
