I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
