You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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