yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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