I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The Olympian is in my bed
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
