Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
