it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
