I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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