So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
