Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
