my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
